The Single Life Part 2

A group of friends in SeattleA few months ago a bunch of us were at lunch after church Sunday and were watching a video about What Christian Singles Hear and laughing, because it was so right on.  The things said on there, singles get right away.   Very frustrating advice like, “It happens when you’re not looking. “, “Pray harder.”, “Jesus is your girlfriend now.”, etc.

A while back I wrote  The Single Life, but was at a different place in life at the time.  Having learned much since then, I thought I’d write a follow-up.  These days I’ve been blessed with an awesome girlfriend and we’ve come through a lot together.

It’s quite a process.  Having been alone for so long you get independent, in spite of loneliness.  Now it’s a process of having someone depend on you to be there for them as well as learning to depend on someone else.

I also know what it’s like for the young singles in their 20s and 30s, who are lonely without a mate, who are trying to find who they are and where they fit into the world, exploring their relationship with God with further depth.  And I hope I can help minister to this crowd as well.

As for the weird advice like, “Have you tried internet dating?”, perhaps some should refrain from advice to singles unless they really know what they’re talking about.  The jokes are harsh, but even without them, you get the feeling that if you’re single, you haven’t “arrived” yet.

You can’t always judge someone else’s situation.  Whether one is needing a job, or is overweight, or is having trouble finding a mate, it’s hard enough when one is in a situation they’re having trouble changing.

Fortunately church models are changing a bit and the old ways of catering mainly to families are going out.  There’s a place for everyone in church.  Single, married, and families all have something to bring and shouldn’t be exclusive to one another.

Some say you need to date around and others say you shouldn’t.  Here’s what I think.  Find yourself, find your purpose, and find God…Keep on the lookout, date a bit, but don’t make that your focus.

The problem is when people think finding a mate is the end-all for their problems.   That’s not to say it doesn’t help, but coming from a man’s perspective one has to find that inner fire that drives him.  John Eldredge wrote that man needs not get his strength from woman but needs to find his strength to offer the woman.

Back in the day knights used to wear favor tokens from their ladies when they jousted.  When a man finds the strength to go for his mission AND has the encouragement from a woman, he becomes a force to be reckoned with.

However here’s the catch.  For men especially, fear and low confidence is what holds them back in life.  If this “not dating” thing is comfort for you, then it’s time to break out.  You can always start small and be more social.  Pastor’s always joking about the young guys have no “game”, saying they need to date more.  Bummer, that we seem to have an abundance of young guys who need more girls.

Here’s a good line that seemed to work for me: “Would you like to have coffee?”  Yes, genius I know.  We need a Christian pickup artist school now.  Complete with cross blings, nice untucked shirts and jeans, and an instrument to carry (you don’t have to know how to play it).

Guys, these girls are dressed up for church, and you know they must’ve spent time getting ready.  Simply look them in the eye and say, “You look great today.”  Is it really that hard?  These things might be awkward at first, just think of it as practice as it could take a while.

Find your confidence, your “inner game” as some say.  Stop being a victim (not attractive) and start seeing the good in people.  Depression (not attractive) is your worst enemy so things like working out, getting out and meeting people, etc. are important.  (Girls, these church guys might take a while to come around, but they’re worth the wait.)

It’s time to live life!  Do the things you’ve always wanted to do.  Your bucketlist, shall we say.  Be interesting.  Do things that make a good story with your life.  Balance this attitude with savings, college, etc.  But remember that more responsibilities will come in time.

What is your calling you might ask?  Well, what do you want to do?  If it falls in line with the Word, you’re okay.  You don’t want to preach or lead worship or go to the mission field like some churches encourage?  Great.  If it’s not in your heart please don’t.  Go make money and be a support to your local church.

What’s stopping you from the purposes of your heart?  But there’s this, this, and this.  Hey, I don’t know your situation, but you can’t go through life settling for what’s comfortable.

I’ll leave you with this.  Keep with prayer, worship and fasting, because when you’re going after God with all your heart, He’ll often tweak your own plans.  Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”

Category: Faith, Guy Stuff, Personal Growth, Relationships |

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